fun? FUN?
2004-06-21 - 9:51 p.m.
days until our wedding!
I am so tired. So overwhelmed. I should have been looking for my dress for a long time before now. I'm scared I'll end up settling and I feel all this pressure.
Everyone keeps saying I'll know when I have it on, but I feel like I put it on and I look to everyone else for validation. I look for approval. I'm not sure what I even like, and if I am nixing the ones I do like because they aren't being validated by other people.
Maybe I'm just not one of those girls who feels that 'this is it' in a certain gown. I hate to say it but money is a humongous factor here. I love a few dresses, but guess what. 700 bucks is a lot of money. I may be nixing those gowns based on the money issue alone.
I also feel pressure because if I am going to order rather than buy off the rack it needs to be done yesterday. I am so frustrated and down... I actually yelled at my mom on the phone tonight "this is not fun for me, I need a fucking dress, and I need one now!" we were discussing when to go to bridal salons.
That's another thing, I have this fucking guilt because I am interupting people's lives... they have plans and stuff to do, but obviously feel obligated to come with me to look for dresses. I want them there, but I don't like feeling bad about it.
*sigh* this is supposed to be fun.